Brrr…

It’s 6:03AM, I’m running on one hour of sleep, and every single part of my body is exhausted. I should be bear hugging my bed, drooling on my pillows, and dreaming dreams I can never remember. Instead, I’ll sit here at my kitchen table, thinking these fingerless gloves will keep me warm while I type. I don’t usually like to write in here, but I think I can make an exception this time. Hopefully it’ll put my heart at ease.

In about five days, on February 1st, it will mark one year since moving to San Francisco. It will also be the day I take my one-way ticket to SFO International Airport and fly back home to San Diego for good. siiiggghh…

When I moved to San Francisco, I convinced myself I was doing it for good reasons. It’s hilarious how reckless we can be as humans when emotions are involved. Truthfully, I moved 500 miles to be closer to a boy I fell in love with, who ultimately became the boy I now look at with utter disdain. Must be the toll I pay for watching so many Romantic films and trying to live them. After replaying the last few months of our relationship, I’m surprised it lasted as long as it did. It’s really hard to let go of someone you love, especially when you hold onto every happy moment, thinking you could go back and relive them. Tsk, tsk, tsk. How foolish of me.

Three months have passed. So is it too soon to be dating other guys? No. The wounds are still a bit fresh, but when your hearts been shitted on as much as mine, worrying about what other people think becomes less of a concern. At least one thing I can be thankful for since coming out of the break-up is knowing exactly what I DON’T want.

Moving on…

The past 12 months in San Francisco has truly been a blessing: The beautiful people I’ve been lucky enough to encounter. Putting down the remote and enjoying all the unmaterialistic things this world has to offer. Most importantly, discovering so many great things about myself. No more selling myself short. I am destined for something bigger than I can imagine, it’s just a matter of how I’m going to take the steps to get there. Although moving back home will be a small step back, I’m sure in the long run it will help me take a big leap forward. This year I’m going back to school, I’m going to travel, I’m going to be selfish and be happy for once.

Well, the sun is rising, and the candle is finally burning out. Looks like I’ll be joining it. Goodnight. Good morning. Whatever.